Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
