I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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