So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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