i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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