I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
