I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
