According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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