why do cheetos always look like penises
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They have beer where we have blood.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
