There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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