did you get engaged???
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
