3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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