oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
