Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
