It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
