"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
