Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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