can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
