if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
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he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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