i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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