The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
