so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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