At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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