There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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