Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
