3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Say something about gay babies.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
