Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dicks are not precious.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
