whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
