im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
