My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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