my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize