was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
