just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
