Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it