True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.