call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.