Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
