...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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