what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
