every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
