Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
