You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
