How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
