He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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