ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
