If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
