we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
