I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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