she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Drake has all the answers
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
