Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize