Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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