to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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