Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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