Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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