In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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