If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
