Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
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His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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