you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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