the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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