shes about as inviting as chlamydia
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
