I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
