The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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