I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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