I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
