Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
