There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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