saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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