no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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