i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
