if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
