we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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